"DATING A BANKER ANONYMOUS".
"29.01,2009."Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous, "DABA" is a safe place where women can come together, free from the scrutiny of feminists, and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy".
"Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time - we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com. Warning all stories sent will be infused with our own special brand of DABA Girl humo".
"This whole messy ordeal has advanced my Botox start date by at least two years. Like every other DABA girl, the economy was wreaking havoc on my relationship and youthful good looks. Phone calls went unanswered, Hamptons invitations un-extended, plans canceled, "including, but not limited to, expensive opening night tickets to the ballet, which were scalped instead of being graciously offered to me and a galpal", and so forth and so on. Until, the horror of all horrors, my FBF lost his job, which I guess technically downgrades him to just my BF".
"Overnight, he went from unavailable to downright clingy. He wants to have dinner every night. By dinner I mean staying in and cooking as Megu is no longer in the budget. AND, FYI DABA girls – chopping vegetables along side your man in a hot New York sized kitchen is NOTHING like the sexy kitchen scene between Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks. Seriously. It sucks".
"Anyhow, he suggested I meet his parents over the holidays and he keeps commenting that half Asian babies are by far the cutest. My take on his 180: having no steady source of income for the foreseeable future, he realized that his chances of securing another fashion industry type girl are pretty much zilch and so he is cleaving to me as the last vestige of his former high rolling lifestyle".
"Thanks to the recession, I now have a completely devoted BF, which is exactly what I wanted. So I should be happy, right? Wrong. I’m bored and can’t stop thinking about my perpetually unattainable Euro ex-boyfriend who is recession proof courtesy of an offshore trust account. To be honest, I’m only with my BF because I just don’t have the heart to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger, but I ain’t messin’ with no broke banker".
"DABA Girl Daily Warning Level: Orange".
"With the former CEO of Merrill Lynch, John Thain, paying $1,400 for trash cans maybe your FBF will once again be willing to spring $800 for Jimmy Choos. Sadly, this is probably just wishful thinking given today’s report that consumer confidence plummeted to historic lows in January (37.7, if you care to know the number that represents your current misery), but you didn’t need a survey to tell you that your FBFs confidence has been waning of late. Good night to break out your old high school cheerleading uniform and raise your FBF’s spirits with a little raw raw raw sis boom bah".
"Brought to you by Anonymous Finance Guy and, "occasional" DABA Girl Sympathizer".
"DABA Girl Daily Warning Level: Green"
"M&A is back!!!!! Pfizer is taking out Wyeth for $68bn and bankers everywhere are giving each other exploding fist bumps for the coup they pulled off in this market. Sure, there will be thousands of lay-offs at the combined drug company, but who cares, you don’t date drug salesmen! The big swinging I-banking d*cks are feeling 2006 cocky again (I bet your FBF probably wore his favorite white collared dress shirt from Pink today), so make sure you get taken out to Masa while the getting is good".
"Trust me, this isn’t going to last and you will be relegated to Aki Sushi 3 again once your FBF realizes his bank is probably still going bankrupt anyway. Today’s daily forecast is brought to you by Anonymous Finance Guy and, "occasional" DABA Girl Sympathizer".
"Good Ol’ Days".
"While looking through this past weekend’s Sundance photos (more on that later) We came upon this picture. A snapshot from a serendipitous summer night of karaokeing and a reminder of the opulence that abounded before the recession (“BR”). In BR times a banker boy would readily surrender his Hermes tie, throw his hand up in the air and sing in elation, for he was truly “livin’ the dream".
"Moreover, the picture recalls a time when being a DABA Girl really meant something. In BR times a DABA Girl was celebrated for her style, her class, her panache. Now, after the recession "AR", the label "high maintenance" is tritely ascribed to DABA Girls. Like artists in a communist regime, we’ve fallen from grace.
"Remember when together you and your FBF felt like you could conquer the world? It was great to be in New York, in love, and young, "FYI non-New York readers, Young = under 40". There was nothing you two couldn’t do. No velvet rope that couldn’t be lifted, no secret handshake you weren’t privy to".
"Together the two of you were going to ascend the corporate ladder and then, after you had stashed away enough cash, you would turn your attention towards more philanthropic and artistic pursuits".
"Libraries and universities would bear your surname. You were going to be the Carnegies and Rockefellers of the new millennium…But those were the aspirations of BR. Dares’t we now dream of more than a brownstone in Park Slope, Brooklyn?
Megan and Laney, DABA Girls Extraordinaire".
"God, You Are So 24!".
"One of the ugly truths about older successful men in finance is that despite having lavish homes, gorgeous wives, a few adorable kids and multi-million dollar bank accounts, they often yearn for more. "More" may be a distraction as innocuous as golf. It could also be a darker vicegam bling, drugs or prostitutes a la Spitzer. Unfortunately, it is rare man, rich or poor, that can withstand the temptation of forbidden fruit. That’s where I come in. My name is "Courtney" and I’m the other woman".
"My married man’s "let’s name him "Charles", Achilles’ heel is having a Mistress. Definition: a young, attractive woman who offers love and affection along with kinkiness in the bedroom. Charles treats me just as well as, if not better than, many of the unmarried bankers I’ve dated in the past".
"I would call myself his "girlfriend" in the sense that I receive constant attention via text messages, emails and phone calls, fabulous vacations while he is on "business trips" and a never ending supply of gifts, gourmet meals and affection. I get all this AND I get to leisurely continue to date in search of my own Mr. Right. Win-win, don’t you think? I certainly did… until the mortgage meltdown".
"Suddenly, I found myself being taken out less and less frequently. A recent argument went alo.
"I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24¡¡ GROW UP!!.
"He apologized a few hours later. He promised my age was one of the things that endears me to him the most, but that I just don’t understand the tremendous amounts of pressure he is under right now. Fair enough. But damn, it’s tough to date a banker, even for the girl on the side".
"COURTNE´S STORY, AS RETOLD, "ALMOST VERBATIM", BY THE DABA GIRLS".
"Relish the Recession".
"Note: DABA Headquarters did its best to censor but the below content is a little racy. If you have yet to turn 18, are Mormon or the author’s father, you should probably skip this post.
It was the summer of ’08. I had just graduated from law school. He was an i-banker. We were a power couple in the making. His stats:6’2".
"Check.Ivy League Educated. Check.Apartment Owner, Dog Lover. Check, Check.Upwardly Mobile. Check.It was just a matter of time before the two of us would be strolling through the West Village in matching peacoats with our adopted Asian children in tow. As he stressed over the dropping Dow, and I stressed over the Bar exam, our stress started pulling us in opposing sexual directions. See, I required regular sex to stay focused on the Bar, but he was either preoccupied with work, or drinking to forget work. Neither facilitated the sex life I craved".
"At first we were just getting down to business less frequently, but, after awhile, his performance started to suffer in both artistic and technical merit. When our sex life was reduced to 10-minute bimonthly sessions of jackrabbit thrusting in the missionary position, I sat my FBF "Finance guy Boyfriend" down for a tete-a-tete".
"Lovingly, I explained to him that either he put the polish on my Brittany the way he used to, or I would find someone else to do the job. I then gently reminded him that although he now walks around Manhattan like the big man on campus without a trophy girlfriend such as myself on his arm testifying to his coolness, everyone would see him as the math and chess club member he once was. He clearly appreciated my candor and promised to rectify the situation".
"I had made my demands known and was keeping count. When 60 days passed without me having a real orgasm (ladies you know the difference), I decided he had been given fair notice and that this was no way to go through my twenties. I packed his cuff-links and sent him to live on his buddy’s couch".
"Fortunately, I had the Bar to focus on and no mental room left to lament the demise of my relationship. I took the Bar, drank myself into oblivion, and headed to South America for a much needed vacation. Evacuating the city was the best thing I could have done. I missed being aggressively pursued. I wanted to feel desirable again. The men of South American did not disappoint. There is nothing like the machismo culture to make you feel like a hot young thang. Feminism be d*mned".
"Anyhow, I was out to dinner with my girlfriend in Buenos Aires and accidentally caught eyes with a man at a table across from mine. Before leaving the restaurant, I stopped by the ladies room to touchup my makeup. Unbeknownst to me, I was being followed. I walked out of the ladies room and he was standing there waiting for me. Bypassing formalities, he deftly pinned me against the wall, pulled my hair back with just the right amount of force, and kissed me like I had never been kissed before".
"Eventually, I extracted myself from his clutch and asked if he spoke English. He did. Feigning indignation, I said, “Listen, where I come from you don’t stick your tongue down a stranger’s throat. Just who do you think you are!”He coolly retorted, “My name is Ricardo, and where I come from if a man makes eyes with a woman like we did and doesn’t approach her, he’s gay.” We obviously were going home with each other. I had to see how this sort of aggressiveness, played out in the bedroom".
"We merged our respective dinner parties for a round of Speedballs (champagne and Redbull). There was dancing. There were drinks, "and then some more drinks". Finished with foreplay, we went back to his place and let the Speedballs work their dark magic. We were still entangled when the sun came up and as I peacefully drifted in and out of sleep, I had just one lucid thought, "Damn it feels good to dump a banker."
"Next time you are stressing over some finance guy remember that he is just a math club nerd with cash and that there are some things money just can’t buy a woman, and a mind blowing orgasm is one of them. So relax, as evidenced by the existence of this blog, none of your girlfriends are marrying rich banker types any time soon. You are not going to be the last of your friends to marry well".
"This recession just bought everyone an extra two years of the single life. SAVOR IT. Go, have a steamy affair with some Latin lover who spends his free time thinking up new bedroom positions instead of trading positions. Relish that for the here and now you don’t have to be seen in public with a guy who wears black shiny shoes with jeans. Carpe diem my loves".
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